Today happens to be Military Spouse Appreciation Day. I was a military spouse for 24 plus years. It was the greatest honor and the greatest burden. It may sound cynical, but my goal was always to bring attention and improve the lives of military spouses.
After my husband’s retirement he was gainfully employed and during that time, we had a son that was diagnosed with cancer, my husband was relieved of his duties (it was a blessing), he was reassigned to a much better job, and we were facing a future empty nest. We took proactive steps to receive some outside counseling. It was there I learned that I had a lot of unpacked boxes so to speak. Many of these boxes were emotions, trauma responses and unresolved feelings that I had packed up and put on a shelf. In my discovery I realized that this was a way to protect myself against being vulnerable. I had packed up my true emotions and feelings in order to seem strong. I realize now that it was ill-advised guidance to ‘stay strong’ when bad things happened. Maybe there’s a better word or a better way to tell hurting people that they can survive whatever it is they are enduring.
“Quite often, people equate strength with being able to withstand pain, emotional or otherwise. This is a rather narrow understanding of it, explains Leah Anderson, a British UAE-based wellness expert and mindset coach. “I think the idea of strength is misunderstood so often. It’s equated with acting tough, which is just an external appearance,” she says. “People think acting tough is strength; but that’s not always the case. It’s a very limited idea of what strength really means,” she says.
“We can’t restrict the definitions of strength like that. Strength also means knowing when to just pause. It means to take breaks, looking after yourself when life gets too much. It means finally crying and letting your emotions flow freely, rather than suppressing them. It means asking for help,” she says. “Being strong means finding a way to just being true to yourself and what you need,” says Anderson. (See the whole article here: https://gn24.ae/108ab17079935000)
I’ll admit, maybe I just didn’t understand the word strong. No one told me I could have a breakdown, miss my husband, be mad because he wasn’t there, or temporarily hate the way things were. So today, on National Military Spouse Day I give permission to my fellow military spouses to not be so strong. Be you. Do what it takes for you to be healthy. And promise me you won’t box up those feelings and put them on a shelf for later.
