Today happens to be Military Spouse Appreciation Day. I was a military spouse for 24 plus years. It was the greatest honor and the greatest burden. It may sound cynical, but my goal was always to bring attention and improve the lives of military spouses.
After my husband’s retirement he was gainfully employed and during that time, we had a son that was diagnosed with cancer, my husband was relieved of his duties (it was a blessing), he was reassigned to a much better job, and we were facing a future empty nest. We took proactive steps to receive some outside counseling. It was there I learned that I had a lot of unpacked boxes so to speak. Many of these boxes were emotions, trauma responses and unresolved feelings that I had packed up and put on a shelf. In my discovery I realized that this was a way to protect myself against being vulnerable. I had packed up my true emotions and feelings in order to seem strong. I realize now that it was ill-advised guidance to ‘stay strong’ when bad things happened. Maybe there’s a better word or a better way to tell hurting people that they can survive whatever it is they are enduring.
“Quite often, people equate strength with being able to withstand pain, emotional or otherwise. This is a rather narrow understanding of it, explains Leah Anderson, a British UAE-based wellness expert and mindset coach. “I think the idea of strength is misunderstood so often. It’s equated with acting tough, which is just an external appearance,” she says. “People think acting tough is strength; but that’s not always the case. It’s a very limited idea of what strength really means,” she says.
“We can’t restrict the definitions of strength like that. Strength also means knowing when to just pause. It means to take breaks, looking after yourself when life gets too much. It means finally crying and letting your emotions flow freely, rather than suppressing them. It means asking for help,” she says. “Being strong means finding a way to just being true to yourself and what you need,” says Anderson. (See the whole article here: https://gn24.ae/108ab17079935000)
I’ll admit, maybe I just didn’t understand the word strong. No one told me I could have a breakdown, miss my husband, be mad because he wasn’t there, or temporarily hate the way things were. So today, on National Military Spouse Day I give permission to my fellow military spouses to not be so strong. Be you. Do what it takes for you to be healthy. And promise me you won’t box up those feelings and put them on a shelf for later.
Rascal Flatt’s, the country music trio sings a song titled, Life is a Highway. I agree. It makes a wonderful metaphor for life. The old adage is to not look back because you’re not going that way. While the sentiment is an attempt to inspire us to keep moving forward, I tend to disagree. I believe looking back helps to see how far I’ve come. In celebration of my 50th birthday, I find it helpful to look back.
50 Thoughts for my 50th birthday:
Be authentic and real. People can relate to you. Be your imperfect self, people want that.
Be kind to others and while you’re at it be kind to yourself. That’s how we change the world.
Therapy is a type of self-care and love, there’s no reason to be ashamed. Should be as natural as going to the regular doctor.
Travel, far and wide and often It gets rid of ignorance.
Do something that scares you. Sometimes you have to do something when you’re scared.
Don’t fall for fads, trends, etc.-it makes you like everyone else and that defeats the purpose of life.
Eat the cake, eat the bacon. I don’t trust anyone that doesn’t.
Do something you love. It can be a hobby or a job but find something that brings you joy.
Believe in a higher power.
Friendship is like pie and there is only so much pie so choose your friends wisely. Thanks Emily!
Live the obituary you want written about you someday.
Collect friends of all shapes, sizes, colors, cultures, ethnicities….you get the drift.
Don’t try to be strong all the time. It’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to not be okay.
Laugh and make others laugh.
Visit the elderly, they have a lot to offer, and you can learn so much from them.
Go outside. Be with nature and in nature.
Take all the pictures. You’ll never regret having too many pictures.
Be the first to smile at a stranger in the grocery store aisle.
Compliment strangers. Compliment their colored hair, their tattoos, whatever makes them unique.
Speak up against wrongdoing. Let others know what you’re for. Be pro love, and pro human.
Make your bed every day or marry someone who does.
Laugh at yourself before others have a chance to make fun of you.
Be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself.
Savor the moments.
Worry less about what others think. Don’t listen to the opinions of people you don’t respect or wouldn’t ask for their advice.
Do not compare your life with others. God created this life with you in mind.
Be grateful for the problems you don’t have.
Hang out with people who are smarter and wiser than you. If you’re the smartest one in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
Always bet on yourself.
Apologize especially to your kids. You’re human not perfect.
Sometimes you’re wrong.
Be like a tree, rooted but flexible.
Leave people better than you found them.
Be brave enough to suck at something until you get better.
Be a Fountain, not a drain (Rex Hudler)
Be a thermostat, not a thermometer (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
Make everyone feel like they are the most important person. Thank you, Mary!
Be who you needed when you were younger.
Mentor others. Share what you have learned.
Don’t dig up in doubt, what you planted in faith (Elisabeth Elliot)
Don’t die before you’re dead. (Tennessee John Hurt)
Don’t own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire. (Wendell Berry)
Don’t finish a bad book.
Sometimes it’s not about you. Remember this when someone is mad or acts out in anger toward you.
Celebrate yourself. Be brave and go to a restaurant alone or a movie theater by yourself.
You will never miss what’s meant for you.
If not you than who?
Everyone should have a porch to watch sunrises and the sunsets and watch the world go by.
Music is life. Listen when you’re happy, when you’re sad, alone, scared, joyful, jubilant……..
Don’t be sad about birthdays. It’s a privilege not afforded to everyone. Besides, you’ve been through a lot, and it shows, and you should be proud of how far you’ve come and what you’ve endured.
I hope when you look back down the road of your life, you see how far you’ve come. There were hard times but you’re still here. And as you look ahead down the road do so with hope. I could write fifty other things, but I’ll save that for when I’m 100. Thank you for always reading and thank you for helping me celebrate my birthday!
Well, after 24 years it’s Farewell to the Air Force. It’s been a part of our daily lives. More than just a job, it was a career, a lifestyle, an accomplishment, a burden…but it was never just a job. That’s the difference between a military career and a civilian career in my opinion and that’s what makes the last day in uniform bittersweet. Chris was the one in uniform but all of us were affected by his career more so than his current civilian job. And so here we are 24 years, 3 months, and 29 days later. We have grown up in the military, all of us. It has molded us, shaped us and forever changed us.
The stats of a 24 year career:
1 year-long deployment
6 deployments
13 bases
14 moves
18 houses
In a previous post (https://missykuester.com/dear-air-force-had-it-not-been/ ) I shared that had it not been for all the Air Force gave us and took from us, all the adventures and the missteps, that we would not be who we are today. So, we say thank you. We have found our home in Utah and we’re gonna plant some deep roots here. Thank you for getting us here.
Years ago Magnum was asked to speak to a room of JROTC cadets at SHAPE American High School Dining Out. I snuck this recording so don’t mind that it’s not the best quality. I believe he said it best.
Air Force Thank Yous in the style of Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show:
I was inspired by the tv show American Housewife on ABC. https://abc.com/shows/american-housewife The parents, Katie and Greg give their oldest daughter, Taylor a list of things she needs to learn or do before she graduates high school. It got me thinking about my son who is a senior. With the help of crowdsourcing on Facebook, I compiled a list of things for him and any kid to know before they head to college or life on their own.
Here is our best advice for graduating seniors as they head out on their own.
Things every graduating senior should know how to do
Iron a shirt
Sew on a button
Find a doctor, make an appointment, fill out necessary forms, handle insurance, fill a prescription or transfer a prescription
Prepare to plan…have a plan to plan
Time management, it’s everything
How to do laundry
How to call and set up utilities or transfer utilities (electricity, water, driver’s license, insurance, and cell phone)
How to file taxes
How to write a check (paper or electronic). How to pay a school bill for example.
To get a credit card if they choose and use it responsibly. (Pay off the balance every month)
How to mail a package
Make a budget and stick to it
Boil water, cook simple things.
Change a tire
Find a church
How to make a bed
How to fold a sheet
Cook ramen on a hot plate
Where to buy their favorites i.e shampoo, beverage, snacks, toothpaste, deodorant, etc.
Set an alarm
Write a letter, buy a stamp
Basic first aid
Get themselves out of a predicament
Know an emergency number by heart
Advocate for themselves
Turn off the water in case of emergency
Basic car care: fill the gas tank, check the oil, put air in the tire, fill up the washer fluid tank, etc.
Advice for anyone leaving home for the first time
Have a contact list with names, phone numbers, and emails
Don’t eat yellow snow
Find friends slightly older than you to be mentors
Shower regularly
Call your brothers
Don’t get tricked into gimmicks such as credit cards
Have fun-enjoy every minute
If you fail at something, learn from it
You can always come home
Stay away from trouble
Don’t give in to peer pressure
Careful of what you post on social media
Mom knows best, dad knows second best
Always do the right thing and good things will come to you
Call your dad, he may not say it but he misses you too especially when he needs someone to help him move something heavy.
Call your mom, she’s trying to let you do what is best for you but she wishes she could keep you forever.
Protect yourself, know when people are lying, your safety and well-being are important.
Sleep! Sleep deprivation leads to mental fatigue and poor choices
Learn to talk to your professor or boss. Ask for help when you need it. Let them know if something is going on that may affect your performance, grade, schedule, etc.
Weed, alcohol, recreational drugs make people fat and lazy, and unpopular.
Never drink something that came from someone else. Only drink unopened alcohol.
The only reason you should be in the news is for doing something good.
Watch out for your friends.
Do things that scare you but first decide if it scares you because it is unknown or because it is dangerous.
It’s okay to say no
Final words for my graduating senior
Just some final thoughts for my graduating senior and all the other seniors. Be safe, be smart, be kind. Remember all of these things and more. You’re going to do amazing things and we get a front-row seat!
From the song by Mark Hariss, ‘Find Your Wings’, remember these words:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
Watch any home show on HGTV and you will see decorators using today’s hottest trends to remodel, update or create new homes. The only problem is that there isn’t one on the quirkiness of a home and how to embrace it or turn it into the hottest new trend. Where is that show? What Joanna Gaines did for shiplap, I could do for quirkiness. That’s the show I need. I may just have to embrace the quirkiness of our old house. Truthfully, we may have to gut the entire thing and start over. What quirks, you ask? Let’s look at some of the quirkiness things we discovered. But promise me you’ll abide by our farm rule. You are not allowed to ask why things are the way they are. We just don’t have the answers.
Quirkiness or Character
Oxford Languages defines quirk as “characterized by peculiar or unexpected traits.” That would definitely describe our house. However, Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines quirky as “unusual in especially an interesting or appealing way.” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/quirky Our house is interesting but not necessarily appealing.
Stairs to Quirkiness
Let’s start at the stairs because it’s fascinating to me. At some point, the owner diverted the stairs. According to the last owner, the house was two living units at one time with the stairs running up along the exterior wall of the house. Later, they turned the stairs to come out to its existing spot but left the old stairs. It is currently a closet in what used to be a foyer but then became a bedroom and is now a room in question. Are you following? This spring we are going to open the wall up and see if we like the original route of the stairs.
New stairs going up
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Can you find the water heater?
With everything, I am sure that at the time it was the best option. Now, it just perplexes me. Somehow I didn’t get a great picture of our living room. Our hot-water heater sits in a closet in our living room. Everyone notices it because it’s that quirky. The goal is to relocate it because we want to tear down the adjacent wall. But in order to move the heater, we have to move it to the other side of the wall in what will be the laundry room. To do step C, we have to do steps A and B.
It won’t always be like this, right?
This entire room is full of quirkiness. We will remove the carpet to see what is underneath. The whole back wall needs to be redone. The “bay” window is three different size windows. Behind the curtain is the world’s ugliest sliding glass door. As we understand it, the original kitchen was here which would explain some things.
You can see the edge of the hot water heater closet to the left of the couch
While we are in this room, look up. Let’s see if we can get one light for this small room instead of four. It will require moving the fake beams and the ceiling that seems to be lower than the rest of the room. Quirky!
These beams are probably decorative. But what is more troublesome is the many light fixtures. This will be rectified once we figure this room out.
Goodbye awkward Sauna
While a sauna sounds like a good idea, we found the one attached to the back of our house to be dangerous. It was close to setting the whole place on fire. The wiring was questionable. And as you can see the only creatures using it were the birds. It was ugly as well and was not appeasing. It had to go.
Goodbye awkward, quirky sauna! It looks so much better.
sauna1
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A better solution for storage in eaves
I appreciate that someone removed the knee walls of the attic to make the bedrooms larger. My quandary is what to do with that space. Thank God for Pinterest and all the amazing ideas I have pinned. https://www.pinterest.com/
Here is our current situation upstairs in two of the bedrooms. I have included ideas of what to do with the space. Also, can you spot the hidden hatch in the floor? That secret storage may very well be the reason the ceiling is so low downstairs. We shall see!
Upstairs bedroom eaves. There is a secret hatch under the rug. The linoleum area of the floor is where the attic used to be.
We obviously need to rethink this situation. Here is a fine collection of our closets:
upstairs closet. The second smaller door is what was the original attic access
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Windows
We need all new windows but that will be one of the last projects along with exterior work. But this one window is always the subject of dinner conversations. It’s two storm windows used to make one window. You promised not to ask why!
There is a long list of things that aren’t quite right but this blog only has so much room. I will include and explain the wall we took down in another post.
This can all be fixed. When we change things it gives us a sense of accomplishment. One day this blog will show us how far we’ve come. Thanks for following along and not asking why.
Happy New Year! We are excited about 2021. I wanted to update all of you on our farm. Ideally, I consider it a hobby farm as we don’t plan on using it for large farming or animals. As a family, we decided to name it Haulin Kuester Acres. It was the name all 5 of us could agree on. You offered many amazing suggestions. We felt this best reflected our homestead and would maybe help people remember the correct pronunciation of our last name. Thank you for sharing in our enthusiasm and watching along. Due to weather and other commitments we are not currently undertaking any projects until the weather improves. Also, we currently maintain two households so fiscally we are trying to be responsible.
Additionally, my talented sister, Larissa designed our logo. We wanted a logo that could stand on its own but also be identifiable and unique. She accomplished that. Next up will be to get some swag with our new logo.
Recently, I went to my Facebook audience to crowdsource names for our new farm in Utah. I was blown away by the suggestions. Quite frankly, you are all very creative. I wanted to document the name decision so here is the process, chronicled for years to come. It’s not easy to pick the perfect farm name.
Round One
This is the initial list we got from Facebook:
Kuester Acres
haulinkuester Acres
The Best is Yet to Come
Next Chapter Farm
Prayer Walk/ Road
Stars and Stripes
Rocking M Farm
Condiment Farm
M and M Farm
New Journey
Kamp Kuester
Kuester Corral
A Wing and a Prayer
Kozy Kuester Kabin
Princess Missy Farm
M Squared Ranch
Scrabble Ranch
Muddy Paws Ranch
Kuester Kingdom
After AF Farm
Kuester Retreat
Beautiful Acres
Chez nous
Greener Pastures
Places des Grand Hommes
Magnum Way
Black Dog Fields
Magnum Acres
Where the Pavement Ends Farm
Where the Road Ends Farm
The Haven
Kuester Krossing
Wabatucky West
Mis Mag + 3 Farm
The Destination
Kind Kuester Korner
Omega Alpha Acres
Kilo 5 Ranch
Wallis-Frome-Kuester Farm
End of the Line Farm
The Open Commissary
Hallelujah Hollow
Delilah Downs
Magnum Manor
Missy’s Family Farm
New Beginnings
Kuester Homestead
Haulin Farms
End of the Road Farm
Delilah’s Boys’ Farm
Delilah’s Farm
Road’s End Farm
Flying K
Lazy K
Crazy K
Magnum Farm
Answered Prayers
Rest Your Kuester Farm
Where my Kuester Farm
Wonderland
Topshelf Farm
Kuester Downs
Kuester Hole
Green Acres
Pretty Acres
Peaceful Valley
My 3 Sons
Joyful Acres
Kickin’ Kuester Farm
Hidden Treasures
Kick in the Kuester
Kuester Ranch
Fly Over Farm
Golden Acres Retirement Home
M+M Family Farm
Permission to Land Farm
The Forever Homestead
The Sanctuary
New Chievres
It Ain’t Wabash
Delilah’s Playground
Delilah’s Ranch
Red Devil Pastures
Destination Acres
Wild Blue Yonder
Final Flight Plan
Flight Plan
Kuester Korner
Mountain Ridge
Done haulin Farm
Kuester Lane
New Life Farms
Circle K Farms
Aim High Farm
Nua Farms
That Last Stop Farm
Sit on your Kuester Farm
ChrisMis Farm
Lazy M Ranch
Kuester Horizon Estate
DD-214 Acres
Retired Homestead
Rustic Kuester Ranch
Missy’s Meadows
Place for Kuesters
Delilah’s Family Farm
The Lord’s Bounty Farm
Test and Peaceful Farm
Thanksgiving Farm
The Forever Home and Farm
Kuester’s Resting
Dirty Kuester Ranch
Heaven Homestead
Water Well Acres
Lost in time Farm
Three Magnums Farm
Hoosierville
Almost Wabash
Kuester Kurve Farm
Secondhand Farm
LaVraie Montagne
The World’s End
Where the Pavement Ends Farm
Red Devil Acres
Round Two:
This is what is left after the first cut of names:
Kuester Acres
Wild Blue Yonder
haulinkuester Acres
haulin farm
End of the Road Farm
New Beginnings Farm
Kuester Homestead
Next Chapter Farm
Circle K Farm
Aim High Farm
The Last Stop Farm
Where the Road Ends Farm
Where the Pavement Ends Farm
Kuester Korner
Round Three:
We lost some good ones…
Kamp Kuester
Kuester Corral
Flying K
ChrisMis Farm
Kuester Ranch
Fly Over Farm
Permission to Land Farm (bar name)
M squared Ranch (Math!)
Muddy Paws Ranch
Greener Pastures
Kuester Retreat
Kuester Krossing
Omega Alpha Acres
Done haulin Acres
Wild Blue Yonder Acres
haulin Farm
End of the Road Farm
Circle K Farm
Aim High Farm
Where the Road Ends Farm
Final Approach Farm
haulinkuester Acres
Flying K Farm
ChrisMis Farm
Fly Over Farm
Permission to Land Farm (Bar name?)
Final Flight Plan Farm
Stay tuned as we dwindle down more names on our way to finding the perfect name for our farm. And thank you for helping!
I’m a praying woman. But I haven’t always prayed expecting my prayers to be answered. I know that makes me an imperfect Christian but it makes me human. Several months ago when Magnum and I started talking about our plan when he retires from the Air Force in July 2021 I began to pray. I began to pray to settle on a certain town, area, or state. Then, I prayed for opportunities and doors to be opened. In addition, I prayed for jobs and housing. I prayed for God’s will but I failed to specify a time. They say timing is everything but God’s timing is not predictable. Opportunity knocks when you are doing something else. But I know this, with His timing comes his provisions. When God plans it, you can’t stop it.
If I could buy this place I would
Spring Break of 2019, Magnum was deployed. I decided to drive with Kid #2 and #3 to see Kid #1 in Logan, Utah. T is a student at Utah State. It’s our favorite place to visit and where his brothers wanted to go for the week. I rented a house, saw lots of friends in the area, got a surprise visit from one of my best friends, and cried when I had to leave to return to Washington. I felt a strong sense of home.
Fast forward, Magnum returned home in October and we decided we would go back to Utah for Thanksgiving. It’s been our tradition. Instead of staying at a hotel, it’s more economical to stay in an Air B&B. I selected a place in the country. It was advertised as a quaint farm. It would allow all of us to have a room so it was perfect and cheaper than a hotel.
While staying at the house, it snowed 8 inches overnight. We were surprised to wake up to no electricity and find out we were snowed in. But it was like being in a winter wonderland. If I didn’t need to get out to go to dinner with family, I could have stayed snuggled up in the house. I posted a picture on Facebook and jokingly said, “If I could buy this place I would.”
If God brings you to it, He’ll get you through it
Fast forward again to July 2020. We had big summer plans but then Covid-19 happened. So, we salvaged what we could and decided to go camping in Utah, the Cache Valley. On the way, we stopped at our friends, the Hughes near Council, Idaho. They have a beautiful place. Sitting on their porch watching the sunset made me ache for a place of my own.
We made our way to the Logan, Utah area and set up our camper in a campground. I then received an email from Kurt, the owner of the farm we stayed at the previous Thanksgiving. In March, I had told him that if he ever considered selling we would be interested. At the time, he had someone interested but their financing fell through. The very day we arrived, he offered it to us.
I immediately said yes and arranged to meet up with his wife. We had to pass her approval process first. In the meantime, we continued to look at other places just in case. After we met her and she approved, the process went rather quickly. We made an offer, they countered and at the end of the day, we agreed on a price.
We returned to Washington and finished the process with the assistance of our realtor, Johnnie. All along the way, things just worked out. We had some hiccups but I kept remembering the phrase, “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”
Many people talk about the struggle to decide where they will retire after a long military career. When I prayed that prayer, I forgot how our God can respond; immeasurably more than we can imagine. I love Priscilla Shirer, author, preacher, and speaker. She talks about praying big prayers. We sell God short when we don’t pray bigger.
That’s why I am so content. I was along. For the next several months, we will divide our time between Washington and Utah. It is scary to think we will need to maintain two households. But I am certain that God will provide, He always does. 10 years previous to this, we owned a house in Delaware. Times were tough but we were certain we wanted to sell our house when we relocated to Texas. The house did not sell by the time we left and sat empty for nearly a year. All that time, we lived on less and paid a mortgage and a rental. God provided and He’ll do it again.
A change of address but an unchanged God
It is a season of big changes. We are taking them in stride. There are still a lot of unknowns but we are certain we are where we are supposed to be. We have a change of address but an unchanged God. God’s plans are unmistakable and they work out, you can’t stop them. Man, I’m so glad I rented this place for Thanksgiving. It gave us a chance to try it on for size. I’m also grateful that we live 13 hours away; we never could have done this living across the country. We have a lot of work ahead of us and big plans but God is in it. We’ll pass along our address with due time. Watch for updates on here, Facebook, and Instagram.
We are contemplating names for the ranch/farm, so stay tuned. Please leave a comment with name ideas.
